Heres to a "greener" tomorrow....

A brother of mine (fraternity) that I have never met and I have been chatting for the last month or so. He is very funny usually, and we have an awful lot in common. One thing that we share is our humor... But yesterday he was feeling a bit blue. I offered him a "virtual hug" to at least make him smile. Today, I knew was not going to be so great from the moment I woke up... I didn't want to get out of bed (and didn't till nearly 3pm) I then kind of wandered around doing nothing downtown before coming home and getting back on the computer... I have just been feeling down all day long, and I don't exactly know why. Today when I saw him online, I asked if he would mind returning the favor of the virtual hug... I got one step up... I got a virtual bear hug...LOL how pathetic am I. Needless to say I explained I was having a very blue day and I didn't know why. I then asked how his day was, and he told me it was a greenish day. Not being one of these gays that is really great with colors, I needed some explaination. He told me that yesterday he was blue, and today he was a little closer to being happy (yellow... who knew happy had a color) so since he wasn't quite there, he figured green would be the logical color for the day. Tomorrow is gay days at the amusement park here and I am really looking forward to it. My goal is that tomorrow will definately be at least a greenish day if not a full on yellow (I would totally settle for a really fabulous shade of turquoise *pronounced Terkwaz*)

WHO IS A LAZY BITCH!!!

I stayed in bed/in my jammies till nearly 3pm today... I just couldn't get motivated. Finally, hunger took over and had to pull myself away from the computer so that I could go feed my belly. Once I left the house, I didn't want to return, it was so pretty outside today!

Tomorrow is Pride Night Kings Island... kind of like a gayday at the amusement park! I am so excited, I LOVE LOVE LOVE roller coasters and stuff. Friends that went last year said there are like little to no lines all night long!!! I can't wait! I was supposed to go with Guy, I am presuming that is probably not happening, but who knows, haven't heard from him.

Tonight, Tony and I are seeing the play Misery. I hope it is good, cuz the novel was amazing, and I certainly loved the movie. Tony's boyfriend is involved in the production, so I hope that it is good so that I can be honest with him when I say how much I loved it. Tony came home from work early today, he is all giddy cuz its been awhile since he has seen his boyfriend... he is definately looking forward to tonight...(now where did I put those earplugs)

Met a boy for coffee today... He seemed nice enough, but not really my "type" not that that really exists, hopefully we will be friends, cuz he is really funny.

I am thinking the guy is not very interested in me after all...but I am not sure... he is not very good about calling when he says he is going to, which leaves me calling him, and I don't want to sound desperate... I am going to see if he initiates the next call. Who knows, it doesn't help that I am feeling a bit needy and lonely the last couple weeks for some reason, so I suppose I could just be overly sensative to all this.

2 hours at the gym today... and my legs are letting me know that they are not most pleased about this new workout regimen

I am off to go sing karoake with the gays tonight, which should be fun... Hangin out with my friend Skippie... his boyfriend is working tonight and he wanted to go out, so I volunteered.

YAY!!! a current pic of me (now that the hair has grown back!!!) 

Lets talk about being well rested...

I went to bed last night at 9:00!!! Tony and I were just hangin out watching TV, and I got really tired. I didn't hear from the guy last night, I presume he got busy with work stuff, I dunno. I have to work at 10pm tonight, doing the same high speed as the other day... to Newark, NJ. So I leave at 10 and get back at 9am tomorrow morning. I don't much care for these trips, but they give me SOOO much time off, I think I am going to bid them as my entire schedule for November.

Friday is Pride Night at Kings Island!!! I love amusement parks. Last year I had to work, so I was so happy that I ended up with this one off. Tony is doing a show out there, so he won't be enjoying any of the goings on... Skippie and his boyfriend are more excited than I am about it all... he keeps asking if I am going. The guy said he wanted to go but I am not sure if he will or not, we haven't talked about it much.

Ok, I think I am going to crawl back into bed...

A WORD OF ADVICE...

Never, and I mean NEVER!!! nair your ass... Thats right, today I was blinded in that quest for beauty and decided to risk putting a creamy blend of acid, and aloe vera that is commonly known as Nair on my ass, I figured it couldn't be more painful than waxing, and the results would surely be the same... a pornstar smooth ass...

The good news is that the results were definately pornstar smooth, the bad news is... IT FUCKING BURNS!!!! that was earlier this afternoon, and it still hurts! It looks beautiful, but I can't do anything with it cuz it hurts... Oh well, beauty before comfort I suppose...hehehe

Yay for the gym!!!

I went to the gym today and worked out my arms for about an hour and a half (plus 45 minutes on the treadmill...GOD I HATE THAT!!!)

Now it is time for a day of beauty... I have the facial mask heating up as we speak... Those things always smell so good, I always wanna eat them... then time for a pedicure, teeth bleaching and brow tweezing, and such... I think these days are nearly like trading in the old body for a new one... I will let you know how successful it is.

I have tonight off, hoping to hear from the guy and maybe hang out this evening, he has some work stuff to do tonight, and I don't wanna bug him... I am thinking low key, like hang out and watch DVD's or something along those lines...I am still feeling a bit lazy, go figure.

Just got back from my trip... it was really no big deal. The flight was delayed a bit, so my sleep time was only about 4 hours, so now I am looking to get my sleep on for a little while... I decided to skip the gym this morning cuz I was too tired, but I will go this afternoon. More when I wake up.

YAWN!!!!

Wow! I just woke up from a nap with the kitties... I woke up and they were draped around my throat like two fur stoles... I have not really had an adventurous day, I worked on some artwork for my bedroom and played with the cats. I even went down to the Y to get my membership card replaced. Maybe now I will actually go and work out...tomorrow will be the test of that, as my goal is to go right after I get back from work in the morning if I am not too tired from the high-speed I have to work tonight. For those not in the know, high-speed is the trip where I have to work one late flight out and then spend about 5 hours on the ground and then work the first flight back in the morning. They are great in that I get paid well for them, but they are really hard on your sleep schedule. They tell us at work to treat them like a third shift job, which would be fine if they didn't put them in the middle of a schedule of regular "normal hour" trips.

Guillaume called today, we had a lovely chat, which was long overdo. He and his boyfriend are getting pretty serious, but it sounds like there might be some trouble on the horizon. They both just confessed to each other that they had both been rather unfaithful to each other during the last year or so. They decided that it was all ok, and moved on with their lives just agreeing to "try" to be honest with each other. I am not sure that I understand that logic, but it is not my relationship to be concerned with. Guillaume is getting ready to leave London for 3 months to take a "work-study" in Surrey doing Horticulture for the Royal Gardens. He is really excited but is afraid of the consequences it may have on his relationship. I let him know that I thought he was a fool if he allowed this boy to influence his decision about going on this program, as it is something that he had been planning for and working towards for the last 2 years. He would surely regret it if he decided to scrap the whole thing for his boyfriend.

Tony just came home and was telling me of his trip to the dentist... it seems he has to have a gold tooth installed this week. He is really self-concious about it, but I really don't think it will be noticeable. I reassured him by letting him know that if we could see it when he smiled I would follow him around with a cd player playing a regular mix of 1970's porn music where ever he went... boom chicka bownow...

Ben outside of his homeland (Critter Country) 

me and Pluto 

Andrew (Flipper) and Flo (Freeze) 

Dave and Andrew riding Sinclair 

National Convention Roadtrip, Dave, a very bald me, and Flo 

Ben and I with Minnie 

my very good friend Ben and I on my birthday in Disneyland!! 

First Date Down!!!

So tonight was the first real date with the guy. It went really well! We ate dinner at Fat Fish Blue, which is usually a great cajun restaurant. Tonight not so stellar, and it certainly was not a good choice on my part for being condusive to talking, the live band makes it hard to hear... mental note to self: don't go there on dates where you actually want to hear what they are saying. During dinner he asked a bit about my colorful past... I told him pretty much all there was to know, and he listened intently, but looked very nervous about some of it. I totally understand, it is a lot to grasp, and as I told him, my past is not something I am necessarily proud of, nor is it something I am ashamed of. I do not believe you can have much of a future without having a past. I know its a cheezy cliche, but it is how I deal with where I have been. Needless to say, we then went to see Vanity Fair at the movies, and although I am not usually one for seeing movies on dates cuz ya can't talk or anything, this was nearly perfect. We sat in the back of the theater and the chairs had the moveable armrest... we just cuddled up for the entire movie... it was so nice to be touched and snuggled against. Following the movie, I thought we were headed towards my place, which I was a bit nervous about, I was going to give him a book that I had that he was going to buy, but I didn't want him to think I wanted to throw down and fuck right then... I mean I did, but I didn't... If I like someone, I can't put out on the first date... actually for the first several dates, I dunno why exactly, it just doesn't seem quite right, and when I follow that personal rule, things seem to last a bit longer. Needless to say, it didn't matter, before we turned on my street, he decided he wanted to go out for a drink (maybe he felt the same way but, as I did, didn't know how to say it exactly...or he was just thirsty) We went to the Dock... Had a really nice talk about what we are looking for, we seem to be after the same thing, and we certainly seem to have lots of common interests. On the way home from the bar, he told me he was going to pass on coming up to get the book, cuz his back was hurting him... (it really was hurting him, all night, so it wasn't just a lame excuse) I was a little disappointed in that I really wanted to make out with him for a long time, but I was also relieved that I was not going to have to practice a whole lot of self-control. I dunno if I would have been able to stop had we started.

He works tomorrow morning, and I work late tomorrow night... I told him to give me a call after he is done relaxing from work. We had originally planned to have dinner on Tuesday evening, I really look forward to seeing him again, I am definately curious to see what could come of this whole thing... I could also definately be dillusional about this whole thing, but my gut says he seems to be interested in finding out more about me as well... Meanwhile, I am off to bed, thanks for reading my ramblings...sorry if this post seems like the ramblings of a teenage girl, its just been a while since I have been giddy.

OK, so one should not wait a month and a half between trips to the laundrymat!!!

This morning I drug Tony out of his bed at 9am and made him get up and about to go do the laundry. He had one little bag, I had 6 big bags... but the good news is I got it all done. AND!!! I got it all put away! My room is still spotless (well except the desk area, but Tony has promised that he will bring me the file folders that I need to organize all this stuff) As soon as the desk is done, the room will be complete. I organzized my closet today putting all my work clothes together, my dress clothes together, my goin out clothes etc... I need to put together a little shelf thing that we bought at Target for my shoes (I seem to be becoming a little Emelda Marcos) But in the midst of putting it together, I found out we don't have a phillips head screw driver!!! I will try using a butter knife later...

The Guy just called, we are going to make the most of me being in town this weekend after all, we are gonna go do something today! I am a bit nervous, I get a lump in my throat when I talk to him and I even blush a bit. He has left it up to me to find something to do, but I have no clue, it is really pretty outside maybe we can go to the park or something... I wonder if he likes the drive in? Thank God I did the laundry today, now I will have something fresh and clean to wear. He is really hot, so I better find something cute.

I will write with an update when all is said and done....

Well, I dind't make it to Seattle...

I am a little bummed out about it, but I am sure I will have fun tonight anyway. Tony and I are going to a party at one of his co-workers house, then off to Shooters to do some country dancing. I love going out there on Saturday nights, its a lot of fun, and the country music is a nice break from the loud dance music usually played in the gay bars. Now if I can just get someone to two-step with me.

I am lookin ok tonight, cute abercrombie jeans, blue and white striped shredded shirt, cute brown shoes, and belt... now which cologne to wear. Kingdom, Gucci, Enzo, Diesel, or YSL... I think Gucci might win...

Well, I broke down and called the "guy"

I was gonna wait till later this weekend, but I was afraid I would be too busy with the chartering... I didn't want to seem desperate... But I caved in and dialed him up while I was getting ready for work. We had a nice chat, which was refreshing, I was afraid that he wouldn't remember me or that maybe all the water he was drinking had clouded his judgment. We reiterated that we would be going to dinner on Tuesday evening. I better figure out what I am gonna wear... I can't be lookin dumb. Hmmm, better not ask Tony for advice.

Speaking of Tony, we went to see a friend in the hospital today... Hospitals make me so sad. And I hate seeing people I like sick, especially when there is nothing I can do to help them. His IV started beeping cuz the bag was empty, and he rang a nurse... 20 minutes later no one had shown up... I was just sitting there fuming, I know that changing the bag right away wouldn't have changed anything, but still. I hope Ricky gets better very soon, he is too nice of a person to be sick... I was only partially kidding when I said I hope Tony takes him brunch on Sunday. I know it would make Ricky smile. Tony is good for that... Brightening up people when they are low. I wish he saw that in himself more. Oh well, its late and I am rambling....

Well, I decided to check out the rush event at Hamburger Mary's last night before continuing on to Shooters to watch the gays do Line Dancing (they call it line dancing... I call it dumb, it is like no line dance I have ever seen).

While no one got to see my incredibly clean room, I did meet a nice "guy". We talked for a long time, he is quite a bit older than me, but that doesn't bother me too much, we seem to have a lot of the same interests... Not to mention he is an amazing kisser!!! We played Tonsil Hockey while making fun of the white trash running around in their underwear. It was a good time. Did I mention that he was an amazing kisser???

We are supposed to be going to dinner on Tuesday.

I work tonight and then this weekend is the chartering in Seattle. I am very excited, this is the first new chapter with me as VPO, and I am really excited to watch Gary Chung in action. He has done a lot of work for this event and his predecessor is also going to be there to try to intimidate him. I know Gary will be amazing. He doesn't know it yet, but he is going to be Trustee of this fraternity someday.

I will try to update you on the road with a body count from Seattle... Funny thing about Seattle... They have a big ocean right there at your fingertips, and if they don't find the bodies, its hard to prove.

YAY ME!!!!

I sat out to accomplish a goal today, and I will be goddamned if I didn't finish it!!!

I planned all week to get my room completely cleaned. Meaning if I haven't looked at something in the last 3 months, into the trash it goes!!! I got everything cleaned out. Even my closet and under my bed! I am so proud of myself, and my room looks beautiful with the new duvet cover I made!

Now, I am treating myself to a night out! Maybe a boy will get to witness my room in this perfect state!

The Babies -

Ok so here are the chirrin that are now livin in our humble flat... They are Hello Kitty (light grey tabby) and BooBoo Kitty (light brown tabby)... AKA the Kitty Sisters. Aparently they are the heirs to the Kitty Litter Fortune... these are all things that Tony has mentioned to me. I think it is all a bit of a joke, but he is much bigger than me so I don't question him. In the meantime we apparently have some baby heiresses in our house....

Smile White

so while out to dinner with Tony, I decided to stop at the Walgreens to pick up some shampoo. While I was there Tony and I perused the store, and I picked up this spray bronzer, cuz it was on the clearance rack... Tony was doing the right thing and reading the ingredients to see if it was just spray color or if it had something in it to change pigment (like the spensive stuff) meanwhile I did the white trash thing and took off the lid and sprayed it on my wrist. IT WAS BLUE!!! that shit came out blue. I rubbed it in a bit thinking that would help... My skin is now a lovely shade of green... anyway, I also picked up some bleach for my teeth. So here I sit with my Smile White trays in, wondering if I can get from a level 7 all the way down to a one or 2. Wouldn't that be exciting... I will let you know in 8 minutes how it works.

ok, so that was a disaster...

I have been meeting boys on the internet for nearly ten years... when will I learn the lesson of never meet a boy WITHOUT A PIC???

He was nice enough, and not ugly... not really my type. What got me was that this "boy" was a woman! I mean I am sure he has a penis and all, but I was only assuming that from the facial hair. I am a big fan of a light dusting of powder on the face to soak up too much shine, and I am even a fan of a little bronzer in the evening if you need a touch of color... and LORD knows I love some shine on my lips... but this boy had full on panstick smeared on his face covered with too light of a powder... Eyebrows so tweezed they were angry, and the eyeliner would have been considered too heavy for 1984. And to top it all off, he had to scurry on home so he could get ready to sing karaoke in drag tonight.

We got on the subject of drag... never a good choice of conversation with me, but we got on it anyway. And in typical drag fashion, he didn't take long to start weaving a web of lies... Aparently this 23 year old boy can bring in $5,000 a show! Pretty impressive I would say, and he used to tour the country in drag performing in such fabulous locales as Las Vegas, NV!!! Really? Las Vegas??? where at? He named some bar that has never been there, I let him run with the story... then he said it... Sasha's. If you have ever read my bio, I credit Sasha with making me what I was in Las Vegas. I let him continue his little web of deceit... it was sad really. Then he asked where I performed... silly boy. I told him I was the headliner at Sasha's the entire time it was open, and that Sasha and I were really close friends, and that I would have to tell her I met him, since I am sure he would be glad to know... but that I didn't remember meeting him there (I met every out of town entertainer... both of them)

Anyway, back to the dating world... there is another guy I have been talking to for several months, I think I will actually grow the balls to ask him to dinner tonight..... *sigh*

EEEP!!! WHAT TO WEAR???

So I am meeting a boy for coffee in 35 minutes and have no idea what to wear!!! I dunno why this is such a problem, usually I just throw on a t-shirt (after properly sniffing to insure its cleanliness) but maybe Tony is right, I seem to be changing a bit and entering a new stage.

I will follow up with how coffee goes...

Got IT!!! green and white striped H&M shirt, Abercrombie Jeans, Burberry Britches, and the yellow Madden Shoes!!! YAY

What a GREAT surprise!!!

Tony called me yesterday and told me that he had a surprise waiting for me when I got home. I kept trying to get him to tell me what it was, but he would never budge...

Sure enough, I walk in the front door today, ending a really shitty trip and I am greeted by the cutest little cries from the bathroom... I walk in, turn on the light and there are two of the tiniest kittens you have ever seen. They are so cute!!! We haven't figured out a name for them yet, but we have tossed around about 1,285 of the gayest "couple" names we can think of... It is two girl kitties so that plays into the decision as well.

My allergies are already acting up, but they will calm down once my body gets used to the little critters again. Doesn't help that I can't stop holding them... well, when my throat starts to close up and my eyes start to itch I generally know enough is enough, but until my body gets used to them moderation is the key word. You know if they weren't so damn cute I could leave em on the ground, but I hear their cry and I just gotta love on em a little...

Well, after 6,000 emails from AOL reminding me to update my profile and many nasty emails from my friends screaming at me for not keeping this up to date... Here it is. My latest entry.

I don't have a lot to report other than... 1.) boys are dumb; 2.) boys are stupid; 3.) my health is great; (and my hair is back) 4.) work is unpleasant; 5.) boys are stupid; and did I mention that 6.) boys are dumb

Really a lot has happened since my last posting on here... I was elected to serve on the National Board Of Directors for the fraternity in the position of Vice President -- Outreach. I have really enjoyed all I have gotten to do. Of course it comes with its own special kind of drama, but I still love it.

My health has been great, all my hairs have grown back, and I basically look like a normal human being... Ok well I wont get carried away with the normal part but the important thing is I look like a human being again.

Romantically, not a whole lot has been happening, I was dating a guy for a minute, (taking my cue from Tony he needs initials) We'll call him MH. All of my friends said that he was the most pretentious and conceited person they had ever met. I ignored all of their objections (sometimes the kid just has to burn his hand on the oven to understand that its hot). When he was done talking about himself, he always talked about me... at least that's the way it always worked out in my head. Tony has always told me: never deny a person the ability to show their true colors. And he did.

Since I found out I am not positive, I have been going through this period of "rebirth". Getting back to the personality that I had hidden inside for the last three years. I don't know why I hid it, I just did. I had been content with being in the shadows, always being three steps behind, eyes averted, from Tony, or MH or whomever I happened to be with. The consequence from that is that people meet me hundreds of times, but no one remembers me. Previously, that didn't matter to me at all. Lately, however, I have started shopping for myself, buying myself nice clothes, and things... Lately, I have redeveloped my spine and a bit more of my self-esteem. I think that MH is partially to blame for all of this. When he met me I was all shy and didn't really think I was worth a hot boy talking to me... Again I realize that this is my issue and not anyone else's, and I didn't/don't expect anyone else to fix it or take blame for it. In the last month, I have become much more of the person that I was when I moved to Las Vegas (personality-wise) with all of the things that I have learned over the last 3 years thrown in as a garnish. When MH met me, I was quiet, meek, shy, sad boy in the corner... A month later with his help and my own mental health to blame, I am much more outspoken publicly, sure of myself, confident, and a host of other descriptives that I can't find the words for. Unfortunately, MH needs a weak person in his life. I am no longer available for that role.

Last night after our last fight, I nearly let him win. I went home and took off my clothes (a new outfit that I was SOOOO proud of) and started to go to bed. Then I realized if I do that, I am reverting back to my behavior of allowing others to shine and being content being hidden in the shadows. I got up, got dressed, and treated myself out to a great night. I had a lot of fun, and I looked great.

I learned a lot from MH, mostly about myself. I learned I like to get dressed up in great clothes, shoes and accessories, not so other people can notice, but rather because they make me feel wonderful. I learned that you can balance the meekness with the bold. And more than anything else, I deserve all the good in the world.

I will close this posting with my new favorite quote. This one is from Vincent van Gogh. “I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars make me dream…” I found that on a card that I gave to Tony, and I told him that the quote reminded me of him. It truly does. I wish I was as comfortable with myself as Tony is with himself, and I believe that I am getting there. In the meantime, someone pass the Krispy Kreme.