Well, after 6,000 emails from AOL reminding me to update my profile and many nasty emails from my friends screaming at me for not keeping this up to date... Here it is. My latest entry.

I don't have a lot to report other than... 1.) boys are dumb; 2.) boys are stupid; 3.) my health is great; (and my hair is back) 4.) work is unpleasant; 5.) boys are stupid; and did I mention that 6.) boys are dumb

Really a lot has happened since my last posting on here... I was elected to serve on the National Board Of Directors for the fraternity in the position of Vice President -- Outreach. I have really enjoyed all I have gotten to do. Of course it comes with its own special kind of drama, but I still love it.

My health has been great, all my hairs have grown back, and I basically look like a normal human being... Ok well I wont get carried away with the normal part but the important thing is I look like a human being again.

Romantically, not a whole lot has been happening, I was dating a guy for a minute, (taking my cue from Tony he needs initials) We'll call him MH. All of my friends said that he was the most pretentious and conceited person they had ever met. I ignored all of their objections (sometimes the kid just has to burn his hand on the oven to understand that its hot). When he was done talking about himself, he always talked about me... at least that's the way it always worked out in my head. Tony has always told me: never deny a person the ability to show their true colors. And he did.

Since I found out I am not positive, I have been going through this period of "rebirth". Getting back to the personality that I had hidden inside for the last three years. I don't know why I hid it, I just did. I had been content with being in the shadows, always being three steps behind, eyes averted, from Tony, or MH or whomever I happened to be with. The consequence from that is that people meet me hundreds of times, but no one remembers me. Previously, that didn't matter to me at all. Lately, however, I have started shopping for myself, buying myself nice clothes, and things... Lately, I have redeveloped my spine and a bit more of my self-esteem. I think that MH is partially to blame for all of this. When he met me I was all shy and didn't really think I was worth a hot boy talking to me... Again I realize that this is my issue and not anyone else's, and I didn't/don't expect anyone else to fix it or take blame for it. In the last month, I have become much more of the person that I was when I moved to Las Vegas (personality-wise) with all of the things that I have learned over the last 3 years thrown in as a garnish. When MH met me, I was quiet, meek, shy, sad boy in the corner... A month later with his help and my own mental health to blame, I am much more outspoken publicly, sure of myself, confident, and a host of other descriptives that I can't find the words for. Unfortunately, MH needs a weak person in his life. I am no longer available for that role.

Last night after our last fight, I nearly let him win. I went home and took off my clothes (a new outfit that I was SOOOO proud of) and started to go to bed. Then I realized if I do that, I am reverting back to my behavior of allowing others to shine and being content being hidden in the shadows. I got up, got dressed, and treated myself out to a great night. I had a lot of fun, and I looked great.

I learned a lot from MH, mostly about myself. I learned I like to get dressed up in great clothes, shoes and accessories, not so other people can notice, but rather because they make me feel wonderful. I learned that you can balance the meekness with the bold. And more than anything else, I deserve all the good in the world.

I will close this posting with my new favorite quote. This one is from Vincent van Gogh. “I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars make me dream…” I found that on a card that I gave to Tony, and I told him that the quote reminded me of him. It truly does. I wish I was as comfortable with myself as Tony is with himself, and I believe that I am getting there. In the meantime, someone pass the Krispy Kreme.