people are in starnge moods today!

My little brother spoke about 3 words to me all night, the most recent crush was having mood swings, fraternity brothers that I usually talk to all the time not chatty, and the old crush I had from Vegas is acting goofy (don't know how to explain it, just goofy... but in a good way). I think I am too easily affected by other peoples actions... I found a quote today that I liked, I originally thought of it about my Vegas friend (the goofy one) the quote says:

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts and we are never, ever, the same. ~ Anonymous

Then I realized most of the people that are a part of my life have left footprints or else I wouldn't care that they are acting weird. hmmm... I have a very footprint trodden heart I think. I am a lucky man!

people are in starnge moods today!

My little brother spoke about 3 words to me all night, the most recent crush was having mood swings, fraternity brothers that I usually talk to all the time not chatty, and the old crush I had from Vegas is acting goofy (don't know how to explain it, just goofy... but in a good way). I think I am too easily affected by other peoples actions... I found a quote today that I liked, I originally thought of it about my Vegas friend (the goofy one) the quote says:

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts and we are never, ever, the same. ~ Anonymous

Then I realized most of the people that are a part of my life have left footprints or else I wouldn't care that they are acting weird. hmmm... I have a very footprint trodden heart I think. I am a lucky man!

people are in starnge moods today!

My little brother spoke about 3 words to me all night, the most recent crush was having mood swings, fraternity brothers that I usually talk to all the time not chatty, and the old crush I had from Vegas is acting goofy (don't know how to explain it, just goofy... but in a good way). I think I am too easily affected by other peoples actions... I found a quote today that I liked, I originally thought of it about my Vegas friend (the goofy one) the quote says:

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts and we are never, ever, the same. ~ Anonymous

Then I realized most of the people that are a part of my life have left footprints or else I wouldn't care that they are acting weird. hmmm... I have a very footprint trodden heart I think. I am a lucky man!

Not a lot to report... I am in Jacksonville,fl right now, and was hoping for some sun. Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other ideas... it is stormng here. It seems it is going to rain over this entire trip. Oh well.

Been chatting with a friend from Vegas...it has been a long time since we have really talked, but have been having some nice chats lately. Back in the day, I had a huge crush on him, I suppose I still do a bit, but I always seem to be around at the wrong time (or in this case the wrong time AND the wrong place). I am glad he has come back into my life, his is a friendship I treasured very much while I was in Vegas.

As for the crush in Toledo, I think that has passed. I mean I still think he is great, I just realize I was being silly. Anyway, you will remember that story also includes someone I called the Player and someone called the Kid. I made a mistake... the boy I thought was the player, I think is actually the Kid, and the one I thought was the kid is quite clearly the player. Wow, thats confusing...

Ok, so last night I gave probably some of the worst advice ever... "Think with your head, not your heart or your dick." Advice I am not willing to follow myself, because I know decisions are made with a combination of all of those things, but mostly the first two. Without them, we would be a cold unfeeling world. We know that we have probably made decisions with too much of one or the other because of the reactions that we have to the stimulus around us. I woke up in the middle of the night heart broken that the crush was in bed with the kid. I certainly didn't use my head when going into this, I used my too much of my heart and not enough of my head. Silly boy.

Ugh, so things just got really strange... the player came over...

Think the movie Threesome and figure it out...

*sigh*

Well, I have arrived iin Toledo, and things aren't so bad, they are a little wierd, but I am trying to not be wierd. LOL, oh well.

I was kind of hoping to be fraternity free this week cuz all of the next month and a half are full of fraternity stuff, my little and the rest of the Toledo boys have other plans for me however....

YAY!!! I finally had a Saturday night off, and I got to do something that I haven't done in probably 6 months. Tony and I went out! We decided it was a special occassion and we needed to enjoy it, so we decided to drive to Lexington to go out to the new Club Liquid.

The club was mostly disappointing, but I had so much fun with Tony. We never get to spend much time together cuz of my job and the fraternity, but when we do, I feel so refreshed. The time that we do spend together always seems to be working on something in the apartment so I am genearally cranky about... but when we get to go just hang out, I remember why I consider him one of my dearest friends.

Tomorrow I am off to Toledo for 3 days... which should be an interesting time. I hope it is not drama ridden, although I am sure it will be. I hope things aren't awkward between the crush and I... actually I am sure if it is, it will be my doing, so I should make a concious effort to not feel awkward. Time to suck it up...

Montreal - I don't know that there is a more amazing city in North America. I think that if I spoke a lick of French I would live here in a second. Well, there is the whole immigration thing, but barring that and my language impediment, I would live here with out a second thought. The Fashion is great, food is impeccable, people are beautiful, architecture is brilliant. I can't wait to come back again. I will miss it here when I leave the airline... this is definately a vacation spot for the future. Maybe when there is someone nice to share it with, that will appreciate it as much as I do.

Hearts are funny, fickle things I think...

Last night I went and saw one of my favorite musicals... Big River. It is a wonderful show based on Mark Twains "Huck Finn". This particular production has received a lot of acclaim and coverage because a large part of the cast is deaf. The way that they staged it was nothing short of genius. Hats off to the Deaf West folks.

I ended up going to the show by myself cuz Tony made plans with on again boyfriend Joe. Ricki was dealing with some craziness with the electric folks, and Skippie was sick... that pretty much wrapped up everyone I know in Cincinnati. Well, everyone I know and enjoy spending time with.

During the show, I realized I have a bit of a crush... its kind of a good and bad kind of crush, bad in that I am not supposed to have a crush on this boy, and good in that I am pretty sure he doesn't think the same of me, so nothing would ever come of it, and I as I have shown before, I would rather a lifetime as friends than a moment as lovers... cheesy, but it has made me some pretty amazing friends that I will have for life. Anyway, this boy is in quite a situation, and he is getting his heart broken by two boys simultaneously. Once by a player that is working him and the other boy, and once by one of my favorite people who is too caught up in the haze of being adored by two guys not realizing that he is being played by the player, and slowly losing the crush beccause of his actions. Both the crush, and the kid ask for my advice, and I do the best I can to give honest unbiased opinions. Although I am not sure that it is ever truly possible to be unbiased in matters of the heart.

I think the quote to work through this with is "Honor is created by ones self, within ones self, and only percieved by others through ones actions"

Hearts are funny, fickle things I think...

Last night I went and saw one of my favorite musicals... Big River. It is a wonderful show based on Mark Twains "Huck Finn". This particular production has received a lot of acclaim and coverage because a large part of the cast is deaf. The way that they staged it was nothing short of genius. Hats off to the Deaf West folks.

I ended up going to the show by myself cuz Tony made plans with on again boyfriend Joe. Ricki was dealing with some craziness with the electric folks, and Skippie was sick... that pretty much wrapped up everyone I know in Cincinnati. Well, everyone I know and enjoy spending time with.

During the show, I realized I have a bit of a crush... its kind of a good and bad kind of crush, bad in that I am not supposed to have a crush on this boy, and good in that I am pretty sure he doesn't think the same of me, so nothing would ever come of it, and I as I have shown before, I would rather a lifetime as friends than a moment as lovers... cheesy, but it has made me some pretty amazing friends that I will have for life. Anyway, this boy is in quite a situation, and he is getting his heart broken by two boys simultaneously. Once by a player that is working him and the other boy, and once by one of my favorite people who is too caught up in the haze of being adored by two guys not realizing that he is being played by the player, and slowly losing the crush beccause of his actions. Both the crush, and the kid ask for my advice, and I do the best I can to give honest unbiased opinions. Although I am not sure that it is ever truly possible to be unbiased in matters of the heart.

I think the quote to work through this with is "Honor is created by ones self, within ones self, and only percieved by others through ones actions"

Hearts are funny, fickle things I think...

Last night I went and saw one of my favorite musicals... Big River. It is a wonderful show based on Mark Twains "Huck Finn". This particular production has received a lot of acclaim and coverage because a large part of the cast is deaf. The way that they staged it was nothing short of genius. Hats off to the Deaf West folks.

I ended up going to the show by myself cuz Tony made plans with on again boyfriend Joe. Ricki was dealing with some craziness with the electric folks, and Skippie was sick... that pretty much wrapped up everyone I know in Cincinnati. Well, everyone I know and enjoy spending time with.

During the show, I realized I have a bit of a crush... its kind of a good and bad kind of crush, bad in that I am not supposed to have a crush on this boy, and good in that I am pretty sure he doesn't think the same of me, so nothing would ever come of it, and I as I have shown before, I would rather a lifetime as friends than a moment as lovers... cheesy, but it has made me some pretty amazing friends that I will have for life. Anyway, this boy is in quite a situation, and he is getting his heart broken by two boys simultaneously. Once by a player that is working him and the other boy, and once by one of my favorite people who is too caught up in the haze of being adored by two guys not realizing that he is being played by the player, and slowly losing the crush beccause of his actions. Both the crush, and the kid ask for my advice, and I do the best I can to give honest unbiased opinions. Although I am not sure that it is ever truly possible to be unbiased in matters of the heart.

I think the quote to work through this with is "Honor is created by ones self, within ones self, and only percieved by others through ones actions"

THIS JUST IN...

So my company announced today that they are opening 3 new crew bases. One in Greensboro, NC (with about 90 flight attendants), one in NYC - JFK (about 90 flight attendants), and one in either Orlando or Tampa (about 40 trolly dolly's). This all comes on the heels of the company demanding that the flight attendants extend their contract by one year, and agree to a three year pay freeze. The pay freeze would go into effect one week before my big raise (you make shit money as a flight attendant until your second longevity raise), meaning I would continue making the same money for the next three years... By happenstance, the day the company asked for these concessions was the day I filed my taxes, so I actually saw how little I made last year. There is a slight chance that I would be forced to move to either JFK or Greensboro (if I were to stay with the company). I can barely survive in Cincinnati on the salary that I make, I can't imagine trying to live in New York on it.

As is always the case when a company is pushing for concessions, the upper-level management is making their rounds trying to sell their plans. This was the case on thursday. The new CEO (who I believe was hired with the sole purpose of getting these concessions so that we are more marketable to sell) was speaking in the crew area in Cincinnati. The pilots just agreed to a three year pay freeze. Pilots generally make significantly more than most flight attendants (I say generally, because as a first year first officer, you actually make the same as a first year flight attendant...pathetic) The CEO said that as an airline we would get no new airplanes unless the flight attendants agree to the pay freeze.

Those of you who know me, know that I am not one for keeping my mouth shut, and this man was dumb enough to open himself up for questions. I raised my hand and asked why the upper level management were paid so highly for their jobs. His response was that they had to pay the upper level management high salaries in order to keep competitive people, he went on to point out that they had taken a 10% pay cut to help support the cause. I replied that flight attendants are just as crucial to the operation of a commercial airline since legally we had to be on board. I propose that you cut your Board of Directors salary to $30k which is the pay rate of a flight attendant with 8 years seniority, I am sure that if the flight attendants saw that these people who are making between 500k and 1 million dollars a year plus bonuses were willing to make what we make, that we might be willing to deal. When one of your Board of Directors has to be in the shoes of a first year first officer or a flight attendant that has been with the company for up to 3 years that is living on pretzels and biscoff cookies because it is 3 days before payday and you can't afford food, that maybe they might reconsider requesting a pay cut. It was suggested that I leave the crew facility and get to my airplane to work.

The thing is, being a flight attendant used to be a wonderful career. Today, if you wish to make it a career, you must have a second job for the first 3 - 5 years. I used to make twice the ammount of money waiting tables at Macaroni Grill. To give you an example, I am on a 5 day trip right now. meaning I am away from my home for 105 hours. Of that time, I am only paid for 23 of those hours. The company does provide a hotel for every overnight, but because money is so tight at airlines, we generally stay in remote areas, where there are no outside food options so you are forced to eat at the hotel restaurant. Last night, for example, the cheapest item on the hotel menu was a hamburger for $13. During the day, we are required to eat at whatever airport that we get a 15 minute break in. We all know how expensive eating in the airport is (Burger King in JFK charges $9.50 for a medium size whopper value meal). I used to carry a bag full of food for my trips, I could usually pack food for up to a 3 day trip. Unfortunately, very few of our hotels have a microwave for us to use, so I was eating cold ravioli, and 3 of our hotels offer a refrigerator in our rooms, so I couldn't pack anything that might go bad.

So to bring this all home, on behalf of all flight attendants that are low on their seniority lists everywhere, I say take your pay freeze and shove it up your ass. I am lucky, I at least have a union to protect me. Flight attendants at Delta Mainline are not represented by a union, and when the company decided it was time for a paycut, they didn't have to get permission from anyone. Flight attendants came to work one day to find a memo in their mailbox informing them that they would be taking a 35% pay cut effective immediately. The flight attendants had no recourse. They could quit, but if they did, they would not be missed. There is always someone waiting in the wings desperate to try the career.

I say career, because that is what it used to be. Today, it is a job. Just like working at McDonalds (except you make more there). I would like to point out the leaders of airlines across the country: minimum pay = minimum work and minimum customer service.

I gotta tell ya, this very well may be one of those posts that is far too much information for the general public, but I gotta tell ya, I don't care!!! This is my damn diary, and I will write what I wanna write!

I AM FUCKING HORNY!!!

Now I should follow that up with the point that I haven't had sex since October, and given my previous history 6 months is a VERY long time. I have pretty much not been interested in sex during that time. Everytime I think about hooking up, I think about all the diseases that are running around, and how lucky I am that I am healthy. God got my back once, I shouldn't just toss that aside. Usually when these urges come into my head, I can just turn on some porn and take care of business... at least I know where my hand has been (and I still make it wash with antibacterial soap before it plays with the snake).

But this time is different. Usually, it is just an "oh, it would be nice to fuck around" today is more of a need. And naturally, I am in New York City, luckily we stay way out by the airport, so the chances of me getting any are very slim. I think that is a good thing. I have been doing really good about not having sex with someone I am not dating since the late summer, and I have been really proud of it. But I have also become increasingly aware that the chances of me dating anyone while I am working this hard for the fraternity and flying is very slim, I am just not home enough, who would want to play second fiddle. I know I wouldn't. Maybe once I leave the airline and go back to school dating will be easier (although then I won't be able to afford to take a date anywhere). Maybe I should just stick with fucking... hehehe

WOOT!!

So I spent the weekend in Boulder, CO... watching my little brother be initiated. It is funny, I was all sad watching him give his vows and when I taught him our handshake and showed him how to hide it in a hug, I had to squeeze my eyes tight so he didn't know I was crying a little... It is not that Geoff and I were really close, but we were close enough, I was able to affect him in our few times hanging out and spending time with each other. I watched him become more sure of himself, and come out of his shell a bit. I got to see the excitement that he had when he found his very first boyfriend. I got to watch him with his own little brother and his grand-little while we all sat at a family dinner. It was so nice.

I can't imagine what I will be like when Curtis finally initiates, he and I are already very close, and i am having withdrawl symptoms from not talking to him while he is in London for spring break. Worrying that he is being careful... funny, he is the first little I have had that I have been this way with... but he is also the first little that is seeking this kind of involvement on my part. The other boys were not looking for someone to be this much a part of their lives... or at least I didn't think they were... I hope I didn't misread them.