Greetings all!!!

I am in Las Vegas visiting some friends and Brothers... Got some word from the doctor, and they are suggesting that I start meds pretty soon. I have decided that I won't start meds while I am still in Cincinnati. I am really worried that starting them while I am in a place that I hate so much will make the experience even worse. When asked about what it will be like, he didn't have much good to say. Basically said that the first month is usually hell. Lots of nausea and stuff, I suppose the good news is that I will lose quite a bit of weight. =)

One thing I am worried about is that my life is not stable enough to be able to stick to the strict schedule of meds... I never know where I will be each day at a certain time, and apparently the timing of dosage is a fairly big deal. There is also the possibility of injectable meds, and I don't know if I could stick myself, especially if I am flying. Although the sooner I learn to be ok with it, the sooner I can be comfortable enough to inject those steroids I have been meaning to buy so I can become buff. ;-)

I am a little worried that Tony is not wanting to move now, he is having health issues of his own, but he also just got a pretty great promotion at his job. He seems to love it, but I also worry (as his sister does) that he is pouring himself into his job to run from his fears about his health. Dominick has said that he would be interested in coming to Miami with me, I would love to have him around again... I can think of very few people that make me feel as good as Dominick does when I am feeling blue. He and Tony always seem to know what to say or do to bring a smile to my face.

I suppose I should close this for now... I will write more later.

OHHH, long time no post...

First, I am physically feeling much better... thanks to everyone who was worried about me.

For some reason, I am in a huge funk... I don't know what is going on... this is one of the worst depressions I have had in a long time, and I don't know where it is coming from. I suppose I should chat to my doctor and look into some meds to see if that helps it go away. I was in San Francisco the other day. Talk about the mother ship...there were more gays than I knew what to do with. I decided to attend a meeting of some under 30 poz men. It was great seeing people my own age, dealing with the same thing I am... I think the depressing part is that they are 2000 miles away. I think one may have been hitting on me... or I was wishing he was hitting on me, he was definately hot. Anyway, I am hoping to go back out there in the beginning of April... I need to feel that again I think.

Whew what a week. I was in Boulder last week for the boys night of madness... WHAT A GREAT TIME!!! The guys worked really hard to make it all a surprise (and it pretty much worked in spite of my efforts to snoop). They kidnapped Andrew and sent us on a scavenger hunt to find him. These things are one of my favorite parts of the fraternity... I truly feel like a kid again running all over town looking for stupid clues (one clue was tucked neatly next to my favorite porn stars dildo at some sleazy adult bookstore!!! I LOVE IT)

I have not been feeling well lately, it started the thursday before NOM in Boulder, and I have not been able to keep much food down... oh well, I suppose it is a good diet plan. Then again, I should go to the doctor to figure out what is up. I thought it had gotten better cuz I felt a little better for the last couple days, keeping food down anyway. Then last night I went out to eat with Tony cuz we haven't seen each other in a minute... I was doing good and I was trying to keep it all down, but got home and the food decided it didn't like my tummy anymore. I am off to Palm Springs today to shoot a video tomorrow, that should be fun, I hope to just relax and have a good time while I am there. If I am not totally better by the time I get back I will have the doctor check me out... Have I mentioned, I HATE THE DOCTOR?

Two of my lil brothers are now big brothers to pledges. I am so excited for them. Being a big is one of the coolest and most rewarding things you can do. My other lil Tony is performing in his opera this weekend, I hope he does well. I was originally going to go see him but decided I should not put him at risk with his family... cuz I am sure I would want to run up and give him a hug after the show... I am not so good at pretending I don't know someone.

Anyway, I have to run, I will write more when I get back from Palm Springs (gay old mens Mecca)

Well, I had a great trip over the weekend, one of the things that I love about this company is that because it is a small crew on each plane (me and 2 pilots) if you have a group of good pilots, and you have them for the entire trip, by the end of it, you can become pretty good friends. My company has a lot of younger guys flying which is cool cuz they tend to be more open to hanging out with a big Mary Sissy like myself. So on Saturday, we spent the day on the river in Savannah playing pool and drinking a local beer. I had way too much fun, and woke up the next morning with a cold =( so I slept while they went to dinner in Manchester, NH. In Greensboro, the Capt. took us out to dinner which was cool, we had a great time. I look forward to flying with them again.

I was supposed to fly to Denver yesterday, but missed my flight... the lady at security could have let me through the shorter line when I showed her how soon my flight was leaving, but she decided to play God and punish me (who does she think she is? Mel Gibson?) I can't wait to see the guys, it has been a while. I enjoy hanging with Andrew and getting to know Dave more as well as Michael. Hopefully I will be able to see my little brothers... they are all horribly busy this weekend. If not, I know I will have a great time with the other Mentors...