TO MARTY

To the first man (in a year of living here) in Cincinnati who was brave enough to come ask me to two step... THANK YOU!!!

I hate that the culture in this city has made it ok to create line-dances to songs you would never line dance to (hello!!! they line danced to Usher...) in order that you would never have to talk to someone you don't know.

Country dancing was developed to be a mixer, for strangers to get to know each other and lovers to get closer... not push each other away. The beautiful thing about 2 stepping and other country couple dancing is that you don't have to be attracted to the person you are dancing with... sometimes its just nice to walk out there and go "short short LOOONG short short LOOONG" no matter who it is with.

Look everyone, a post and it hasn't even been a month since my last one. This weekend I went out to Buffalo, NY for their coronation, for the most part, I had a wonderful time... there was some drama, but nothing insurmoutable... somehow in a drunken stupor on Friday night, I sprained my knee and ended up visiting the emergency room to make sure it wasn't going to fall off. It is still very painful and today my lower leg is all swollen. If it doesn't get better, I suppose I should go to a doctor here.

The main reason for this post is to share a story with you from Saturday night. I was having a bad evening cuz of the pain in my leg, and some of the unfurling drama surrounding the event, and I was down in the hotel lobby at the ATM. I had my face completely made up and this little black girl asked her mother why I was wearing make up. Her mother explained that I did drag, and that I was the woman that she had just seen about 30 minutes ago. The little girl leaned into her mom and said just above a whisper "Mom, some people call those people gay" her mother leaned back and said "some people call you a nigger, is that very nice?" This little girls eyes got really big and sad and she walked over to the ATM machine and tugged on my shirt and said "I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to..." Amazing how one instant can change your intire outlook on things. For a split second I saw the world through the eyes of an innocent child, and I watch a wonderful mother take the opportunity to squash hate before it ever had a chance to get started. My hat is off to her, she is doing what so many fail at. I should also mention that these people were in the hotel for a Baptist convention. I have said a thousand times, it is the mark of a true Christian to not sit in judgement of anyone...unfortunately I don't think there are many of them around. I would love to peek in on that little girls life 20 years from now and see what becomes of her.

So, it has been nearly a month since I posted last... I am not sure why I have been so bad about writing on a regular basis. I suppose I just find myself doing other things and just procrastinating on this...anyway, I am sorry, here is the latest dose of my world...

A couple weeks ago, after having still not had any sexual relations with Chris (the boy that I had been seeing for about 3 weeks), I decided I would ask the question (basically the question that says "what the fuck"). He had become really distant, and I knew something was up, but he was not looking to talk about it. So it was clear the only way to figure out the trouble was to push the issue. So I finally cornered him on the phone while I was on an overnight to ask if there was a problem...he played stupid, like there was nothing wrong with the direction our relationship was going (for the record, I FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT!!! DON'T PLAY STUPID WITH ME!!!) I explained to him how I had come to the conclusion that something was wrong... he then cracked and said I was absolutely right there was some stuff on his mind that was bothering him about us... again I pressed the issue to get him to tell me. everyone hold tight, here comes the surprise of the century!!! He was concerned about the HIV issue. No real shock there for me, but I told him to take some time and figure out what he wanted to do. Two weeks pass and still no communication from him, so I decide to give him a call, because I believe I at least deserve to hear (or even read) the words and maybe even an explanation. He said (again after much pushing) that we should have dinner together to talk, and he would give me a call. Again I waited about 3 days and saw him online and decided to move in for the kill. Anyway, after much beating around the bush I got him to finally say that he just couldn't get around the HIV issue (again, not a huge surprise here, but I did feel I deserved to read it at least)

Sunday, I was out with Tony and saw this guy that I have had a crush on for a while... I just assumed he was never interested. Needless to say we hung out at the bar that evening and things were pretty cool...again nothing to write home about but any glimmer of hope is better than none. I gave him my number, but he has yet to use it... I don't really expect him to actually. I think it may have just been the alcohol working overtime.