Well, today I saw the boy that stood me up online... I had to ask him what had happened to him the other night. I guess that somewhere inside I had to have the satisfaction of hearing the lie that he would inevitably make up for an excuse. This one scored super low on originality: "I had to help my mom and I forgot to take your number with me" And the excuse for why he didn't respond to my email that simply said "hey I sorry we didn't get to meet, just writing to make sure that you are ok... email or IM me sometime." he told me that he doesn't know why he didn't respond, he just didn't. I at least give him props for not wasting the time to come up with another story about how the weather slowed his internet connection and everytime he tried to send a reply to my email or IM me online, his computer froze up or something stupid like that.

Why is it that as humans we can't just be honest with one another? There are ways of speaking the truth without being hurtful. I have much more respect for people who, like my friend Blake, who after I told my HIV status said "thats cool" then the next day after having the evening to think about it and let it soak in, had the balls to come to me and say "I am really sorry, but after evaluating everything in my life right now, this is just not something I can do... I can't be in a relationship with someone that is poz" I respected Blake so much for that moment of honesty. I know that it was difficult for him to say, but he didn't want me to think it was anything about ME that he was rejecting, he was rejecting THE VIRUS. I know that when people stand me up, or stop calling or whatever they are not rejecting me, they are rejecting the virus... Blake taught me that lesson...the virus and I are not the same thing, we just happen to come as a package deal...

I will probably post more on this whole topic soon... but this is just what was running through my head now...