So today is it... the first blog as a boy... I suppose I should probably qualify that statement.... I have another blog, but it is on my drag page (www.monicamoree.com). I don't know exactly where to begin this so I suppose I will just write and see what happens.

Today I just got home from Boulder, and visiting all the colonists. I stayed with my little brother Geoff. I am sure that he is glad to have his apartment back to himself. I totally talked his ear off all weekend. I suppose I was over compinsating, cuz I had read his blog right before I left Cincinnati to visit him, and in it, he mentioned he was considering leaving DLP. I hope that he reconsidered that thought. Not just cuz I don't want to lose a little brother (although that always sucks) but because it is young men like Geoff that I think have the most to gain from a Brotherhood like DLP. He really started to come out of his shell while I was there, I just hope it wasn't too jarring for him.

I also got to hang with my other little bro Tony, he and I had yet to meet or communicate at all... what a great guy, a little nervous about the whole thing I think, but I suppose as a pledge we all are a bit nervous cuz you just don't know what to expect for the future... he really has the desire and the drive to go someplace within the frat, and it is really refreshing to witness that. I hope he is able to work through his time constraints, he is lucky though, he has a great "family" that is watching his back... I can't wait for his next performance in opera, rumor has it, he is really good. I will totally be there to watch (I will be the proud Dad in the back of the audience giving the standing ovation with tears in my eyes). I know that sounds pathetic, but there is nothing more rewarding than having a little brother and watching him succeed in the frat and in life.

I didn't get to spend much alone time with my other little brother. His name is Jeff. He is a freak, and I love that about him. In hindsite, I feel bad for not spending more time with him this weekend, I think I just figured he was doing fine as far as the frat goes. I was initially disappointed in him and Tony, cuz I they hadn't studied at all for their test on Sunday. Then on Sunday afternoon right before the test, I asked him if he was ready for it, and asked him to do the greek alphabet (fully expecting him to not know it). I couldn't believe what happened next, he DID IT!!! I was so happy. At the pledge class, he had to do it while I held a burning match and get through the alphabet 3 times before I burned my finger... what he didn't realize, was that he was supposed to fail in order to teach the entire group a lesson... when he was starting, he was wanting to look at his pledge brothers, but I made him look me in the eye (I was acting all tough, but deep down I wanted him to know I knew he could do it). He started and it was obvious to me that he was going to make it through the test, so I had to mess him up, so that the class could learn the lesson they needed to. I hope he knows how proud I was of him for being brave enough to get up there and do it but even more to get up there and do it so well.

Throughout the weekend, I got to hang out with a bunch of the other boys...They really are going to be wonderful brothers, I don't think there is a single one of them that I would not want as a brother (hell, truth be told, I probably already think of them as brothers)

Thursday night when I arrived, we met at a night club called Dream, where they open up toage 16 and up. I was so scared going there. I don't do nightclubs well, I get so self concious about my looks, and I am HIV+, and I get so scared of being in the situation where I meet someone cool and then have to tell them "oh, by the way..." But the big brothers, and the pledges were all there and I had to put on a happy face and try to make the best of it. All in all I had a WONDERFUL night. A couple of the boys showed up to the event drunk, and I was disappointed in them for that. Not cuz they had a cocktail or anything, cuz I don't think I can get mad at them for something I used to do... but more because I thought it was disrespectful to the big brothers. The scariest thing for me was that I found out several of the boys are on diet pills... I think they think I was being a hard ass or I wanted to fuck with their fun, but the truth was I was scared that something would happen to one of them. Also, not one of these guys needs to be worrying about their weight... being a boy with a history of eating disorders, I worried about them. Needless to say, I was glad to realize there was no ephedra in what they were taking, just lots of caffine. I just hope they know what they are doing. And they should all know they are all hot boys just the way they are.

On some other notes, Andrew told me yesterday that a Brother on the BOD has a problem with me and thinks I am a bad person because of my past... He told Andrew that I have a warrant for my arrest for prostitution in Las Vegas. Andrew already knew about it, because he was one of the few people that I have ever mentioned it to, and to every person I mentioned it to, it was done under the Veil Of Secrecy (a thing in my frat. that is stronger than a pinky swear that you will not tell a soul). I felt so betrayed when Andrew told me about this, because I had not ever mentioned it to this brother, but rather he was told by someone else whom I had confided in "under the veil" It just so happened that at the time Andrew told me about this, I was trying to teach my little brothers how important it is to trust your brothers, it was so hard to tell them about how a brother will not betray your trust etc. when it had just happened to me. Andrew reminded me that the men in this colony are of a MUCH higher calibre than the men that had tried to bring me down. I decided that I could retaliate against the brothers in question (people who live in glass houses should really consider checking into plexiglass) and then I realized that would make me no better than them, I have decided to keep my thoughts about their personal lives to myself, and simply maintain the push to make them effective in their leadership positions, in order to better our fraternity, and if they don't like it, they can kiss my ass.

I supposed I have rambled on enough for this first post, I am sure they will be shorter in the future, I just had a lot on my mind after a very eventful weekend.